I seriously have to wonder why I actually try to help people some times. And if not that...then I gotta wonder if I seriously need to start going back to a therapist, cuz damn...how lame am I?

Ok...So my fiancee's friend (who shall remain nameless) Calls us up hoping we can help him out with his girlfriend (and he wanted his can of bear mace back. yes...BEAR MACE *cue doomy sounding music now* )

He said he'd give us 15 bucks in gas money if we would go to where he's at (he's a fair ways away and knows that my fiancee and I can't afford much gas to run and do stuff like that.) And he wanted his mace back. We said sure...and left. Got to his house, his girlfriend is drunk, crying, then shouting, and even shoved 'nameless' a couple of times.

She'd already puked on the bed, on the blankets, was complaining about how cold she was, kept sobbing, with the occasional bout of shouting (screaming too -_-;; ) And so on like that. Naturally, my fiancee and his friend got a bit frustrated with her...and well they went off while I said I'd work with her (I volunteered for this, so don't get the wrong idea)

After a while of working with her, trying to calm her drunk ass down, making her promise to bundle up in blankets and such in exchange for me trying to get her boyfriend to talk to her, I'd gotten her pretty well calmed. She was even starting to talk to me like a normal person...and wasn't bawling NEARLY so much! (oh yeah, I was so glad that I still have that gift...) And she was worried, but I told her that everything would be ok...cuz my fiancee was with her boyfriend, and my fiancee would keep things calm. I thought ;

See...what happened between my fiancee and his friend was this. His friend had snatched up the can of bear mace...they went to where this party was. Figured...a drink or two and chill out and let the friend get away from his girlfriend's beligerance. Sounds ok right? Well....that would have been just fine and dandy if it weren't for the fact that his friend wanted to mace the entire party just for the fucking alcohol. Seriously! What the fuck was that guy thinking?!?!?!?! My fiancee tried to talk him out of it...told him that if he sprayed just one guy with that mace...inside the house...that it would pretty much have the same effect as macing everyone in the place (The airborne stuff in the mace...you following?)

Mind you, before they had left, my fiancee's friend had already been talking about macing his girlfriend. (don't laugh, that shit hurts, and despite her beligerance, crying, and shoving, she seriously didn't deserve THAT) So anyhoo...I dunno if any of ya know or not...but like police officers for example, before they are issued their mace...have to like endure being maced once. (gotta know the effects before ya inflict it on others or something)

Ok, so my fiancee's friend had already flashed the can to my fiancee a few times, and at one point had the saftey clip off. So yeah, it seemed pretty damn sure that the friend was serious. And after trying again and again and again to convince the friend otherwise....my fiancee took a different approach. They were outside, so no one else would have been affected...he asked to see the bear mace...and then proceeded to give one lil burst (like...half a second or less) of mace at his friend. Show him EXACTLY what he was about to do to a room full of people. (yeah, all to steal alcohol...poor reason to mace people seriously...and there were chicks in the room too....tons of people who had done absolutely nothing to deserve such pain)

Now back to the girlfriend and me (remember, I was pretty much succeeded in making her like 20 times calmer than she had been?) Then back comes my fiancee and his friend...and oh yeah....the fun began. The friend had snot running down from his nose to the bottom of his chin (seriously it was gross XD ) and all that. He was ushered to the bathroom so that he could start flushing his eyes and such with water. He was shouting about how it hurt (after he started flushing with water) and cussed at his poor mum who was tryin to help (I don't like her much either, but she didn't deserve it) and was goin on about it WAY more than he should have (the wuss)

So anyhoo...I was tryin to help keep things calm...the girlfriend was wanting to talk to him (mind you she's still drunk so yeah, not exactly the most reasonable of people) And I had read on the can that it takes at least 45 minutes to wear off. Flush with cool water, get fresh air (I am so glad I read all of that) Anyhoo...the chick kept talking too about how she was gunna kill herself (I was seriously considering packing her off to the psych ward over this) and yeah. I had told my fiancee to go out to the car and cool off (The girlfriend had already gotten up in his face and they had ended up in a shouting match but had calmed it down a bit...and the friend was still shouting and crying and shit from the bathroom. (screaming?) He was shouting for people to go away...then he needed help...then go away....you get the picture. Well we TOLD the damn fool to get in the shower to wash it out....but he was all "I can't see!! I'm not gunna!" goddamnit, it isn't as if there wasn't someone that could help him get into the shower so he wouldn't fall on his dumb ass.

So it was now just me, the girlfriend, the friend was in the bathroom with his mom.....and the chick was STILL trying to talk to him!!! We TOLD her that she would have to wait and she wouldn't!!!! We TOLD her that he wouldn't hear a damn thing she said through the pain of the mace...she would NOT listen!!! And as I was telling her that she would have to wait at least 45 minutes for the mace to wear off (I read that off the can...remember?) She asked where the can was. So I told her it was on the table...(I figured she was just gunna read to verify what I was telling her, or maybe to look and see if I missed something so that she could help) And then she asked how it worked....I told her I didn't know.. (I was getting nervous at this point) She pulled off the safety clip... (I'm thinking 'oh god, I hope she's careful with that, I don't want it going off..) And pointed it at herself (Maybe I should take it away?) Then MACED HERSELF!!!!!!!

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK! Not only did she mace herself...she did it at point blank range (it is meant to be shot from a distance of 6-8 feet) INSIDE A HOUSE (Don't forget...aerosol spreads) AND I AM ONLY A FOOT AND A HALF AWAY FROM THE STUPID CUNT! ((in case you are wondering at this point....YES IT HURTS)) It was fucking BEAR MACE spreading...I'm all like Oh my god!! And backed away, fell to the floor coughing, the friend's mum comes out asking what's going on....I told her that the girlfriend just maced herself (seriously, I saw the red on her face from the liquid inside) and then saw the door...said I would open the door (of course the mum agreed to that.)

I got outside...dropped down, opened my mouth up, shut my eyes tightly, and started panting in the fresh air (Thank god I had read the can BEFORE this went down -_-;;; ) The girlfriend came back out, and was asking me if I would help her find a sink. (Remember when I was saying that I think I should be back in therapy? This is why...) And like an idiot.....I GOT UP AND TRIED TO LEAD HER TO A SINK! >< what. the. fuck. Here I am, blind from an indirect hit of BEAR MACE and I'm still trying to peek my way through to lead her to a fucking sink *faceplants* (Yeah...let's just go sign me up right now) I wasn't able to stay inside for long though, cuz the bear mace was still in the air, and since I already was feelin the burn, I got right back outside quickly. I started calling for my fiancee....but unfortunately, while he was in the car (which wasn't that far away) he had music playing and the windows were fogging up (yeah, it's a bit cold outside)

Finally, I crawled to the edge of the deck, felt my way up a pole, and found the railing, so I raised my hand up and was waving to my fiancee, calling out his name....and in a lull in a song, he heard me...stopped the music, heard me call again, and got out, then saw what state I was in and rushed over. At first, he thought I'd gotten punched by his friend or something (no, it actually is NOT something that would be suprising if it had happened) But I explained....and he went in and cussed at the girlfriend. I mean really...he maced his friend so that the friend would know what it felt like and would think twice before going off and trying to mace someone indoors (Just like the friend had been suggesting doing to the girlfriend...remember that part?), and the bitch girlfriend goes and does it ANYWAY and I'M THE ONE that had to suffer for it!!!

So my fiancee says we should leave, I agree...but I forgot my damn wallet at his house....(I hope none of the money gets taken....that wouldn't be a suprising thing either, actually) And yeah...I got home, got in the shower, and in 15 minutes...all the burning was gone. (Gee, maybe someone should have suggested going into the shower to the friend....oh wait...WE DID)

Moral of this story, kids: Don't play with bear mace (or any mace for that matter) Use it only for attackers....not for frivolous bullshit, or as a toy, cuz seriously....IT HURTS. x.x;;;

((Oh, and no, we didn't even get the 15 bucks gas money...))